Why Won't You Die?!
by watchmedrown
Summary: Why won't Chi Chi DIE?! Sequel to Killing Chi Chi... more Chi Chi bashing everyone! Vegeta/Goku Krillin/Gohan... Def. AU R/R!!!


AN: Does anyone know where Trunks is?! OH SHIT me either! Song is Foo Fighters, may Dave Grohl burn in hell!!!!! Courtney Love forever! James wanted them all in the same bed, and the naughty bits is for Jodie and Courtney.   
  
  
Chi Chi lay sprawled in the bathtub relaxing amongst the bubbles and bath beads. (AN: Hey wasn't she killed in that other story, bruised and beaten as well? She came back to life, maybe she's immortal. Why? Because I said so bitch now get over it.) She'd gotten home from visiting her dad, and hadn't seen any of the Z gang yet. She sang along off key and very fucking high pitched to the music coming from her headphones. The rain fell loudly outside, and thunder crashed sharply.   
  
"There goes my herooooo, he's ordinary….."(The dumbest fucking song on the planet) Somewhere in the forest a rabbit keeled over due to the brain damage inflicted from her voice. Or maybe it was Dave Grohl's shitty lyrics and lack of talent, who knows?  
  
Gohan had had enough. Hitting her head on tile and a telephone, falling down the stairs, beaten within an inch of her life, eaten by wild animals, none of it had killed his mother. It was time for HER TO DIE. He crept into the crisp, clean bathroom and plugged the toaster in. Chi Chi opened her eyes a second too late, for Gohan had already dropped the toaster into the bath water. She twitched and moaned as sparks flew from her body. The room quickly became filled with the scent of burning flesh, and Gohan giggled with glee. The lights began to flicker, causing Vegeta and Goku to stop playing with each other's… um… naughty bits.  
  
"What the hell was that?!" Vegeta and Goku yelped.  
  
"Just an electrical surge from the storm dad, don't worry about it!" Gohan yelled from the bathroom.   
  
"But I thought I heard screami-"Goku started, cut off by a quick nip from Vegeta on his… um… naughty bits. He moaned Vegeta's name.  
  
"Wonder when Chi Chi's gonna get home." Goku mumbled, causing Vegeta to bite down again, harder this time.  
  
"DAMNIT Kakarott are you TRYING to ruin the mood?"   
  
"GOHAN!!! COME BACK TO BED!!! Krillin yelled from Goku's room. (AN: YEP Goku's bed… thank you Jamesies) Gohan took one last look at his mother's seemingly lifeless body before closing the curtain. Maybe they'll think she just wanted toast.  
  
"Coming!"   
  
The Next Morning:  
  
The five sat around the kitchen table nibbling on their pancakes. Vegeta and Goku played under the table (Do I have to explain what naughty bits are?), and Krillin was trying his 'hardest' to get Gohan's attention to no avail. Gohan sat glaring at his mother, gritting his teeth. Chi Chi ate merrily occasionally saying something stupid.  
  
"Why won't you die?!" Gohan asked his mother vehemently. Vegeta cackled, unfortunately, he was swallowing something at the moment, causing him to choke. Goku zipped his pants back up and patted him on the back a few times.  
  
"Oh Gohan, you're so funny!" Chi Chi said giggling.   
  
"No I mean it. WHY WON'T you DIE?!!!!!!!" Gohan said, beginning to shake and growl like a puppy. Krillin held him back.  
  
Just then Master Roshi came inside, (perhaps he was in the house the whole time, as an on call pharmacist) placing a cup of something in front of Chi Chi. Goku got out from under the table, and everyone stared at her expectantly.  
  
"I felt bad about that whole being eaten by wild beasts thing, so I made you this Chi Chi. Hot cocoa, mmm mmm." He said, smiling innocently.   
  
"WHY thank you Master Roshi!" She said giggling like a stoned freak, which she was.   
  
"She took a big swig, and smiled. Everyone glared at Master Roshi.  
  
"Just wait! Just trust me with all your herbal needs!" He said, glaring back at them.  
  
Chi Chi began to cough. Her intestines began to feel… liquidy. She began to sob and scream, feeling as though a fire were ripping through her body. She collapsed into her plate of pancakes.  
  
"Good one master Roshi!" Krillin said, giggling. The room erupted in joyous laughter.  
  
"My pleasure son." That'll be fifty seven dollars."  
  
"Damn, prices sure have sky rocketed since the last time we did this." Goku mumbled, digging into Chi Chi's purse. Everyone silently thought of Yamcha's corpse rotting in the backyard's ground.  
  
"So she's dead?" Gohan asked, grinning.  
  
"Well, I'd say yes. But it IS Chi Chi. Say Vegeta, didn't you have a son named Trunks?"  
  
Everyone silently pondered this, vaguely remembering a boy named Trunks.  
  
""Oh well." Everyone said, and Master Roshi sat down. The Z Gang continued eating.   
  
Suddenly Chi Chi sat up, coughing and sputtering.   
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Master Roshi squeaked. Everyone sat staring, dumbfounded, mouths hanging open.  
  
"You know, I'm beginning to think you guys don't love me!" Chi Chi said, a tear in her eye. They sat looking slightly guilty.  
  
"WHY WON'T YOU DIEEE BITTCCCH!!!!!" Gohan said flying across the table and attacking his mother with a knife and fork. He stabbed at her repeatedly, screaming insanely.  
  
"Is it wrong that that totally turned me on?" Krillin asked Gohan as he stood over his mother's body.  
  
"Weeeeelllllll… let's go talk about it. Upstairs. Now." Gohan said, pulling Krillin upstairs, kissing him passionately.   
  
"Oh Gohan, you're alllll bloody!" Krillin moaned.  
  
The other started to eat again, but the bitch started twitching AGAIN.  
  
"That's fucking IT!" Goku screamed, surprising Vegeta by his show of aggression. Vegeta's naughty bits became hardened, and he rubbed them absently. (an: *giggles stupidly Jesus' Fried naughty bits a dollar fifty at Jesus World*)   
  
Goku flew across the room and began to bash whatever he could find onto Chi Chi, cabinets, vases, and dishes. Finally, he just kicked her until she stopped moving. He took the body outside and threw it in the deep end of the large pond.  
  
"When did you become so aggressive?" Vegeta asked Goku, rubbing his body against his.   
  
"Come upstairs and find out." Goku said seductively, licking Vegeta's lips.   
  
"Our lives are different from normal people." Master Roshi said to himself, as Goku dragged Vegeta up the stairs. Meanwhile, Chi Chi realized what Goku had known all along… that she couldn't swim.  
  
THE END for now… 


End file.
